1 Remembering Who I Was Before Becoming Mom and Dad

My husband and I had about three years between our marriage and the birth of our child. We loved traveling and would go anywhere, domestic or international, whenever we had time. Spending time with my husband brought me the greatest joy, and I was utterly devoted to our dates, keeping track of every buzzing restaurant and trendy café.
But now?
I can’t tell if we’re there to relax or for endurance training when we travel. When we want to visit a nice restaurant, I first check: “Do they have menu options our child can eat?” During meals, I’m so preoccupied with caring for the kids that I can’t tell whether the food is going into my mouth or nose. Sometimes after finishing, I wonder, “What did we just eat?”
Occasionally, I deeply miss those days. The small solution I found was to take a weekday off and go on a date with just my husband. We drink coffee at a less crowded café, leisurely enjoy delicious food, and take photos. In those moments, I say (though I’m certainly happy because of my children too!), “I’m so, so happy right now.”
Of course, sometimes we can’t make time for just the two of us. I want to sit in a nice restaurant and enjoy long conversations, but when the children get noisy, I feel self-conscious and can’t enjoy the meal. That’s when I turn to the power of media. Some people don’t look kindly on this, and some parents even say they don’t dine out until their children can eat quietly.
That’s not wrong, but... honestly, I can’t do that. I want to eat out too, enjoy delicious food at my leisure, and people-watch. Parents raising children can enjoy at least one tasty meal too.

2 It Wasn’t Resentment—I Just Needed Time for Myself

After having my child, I took parental leave while my husband continued going to work. One day, I felt inexplicably angry watching him come home smiling. I had given up exercise, drinking, and everything else I wanted to do for ten months, and even after giving birth, I was so busy taking care of our child, yet his daily life seemed completely unchanged.
I felt wronged. I used to work at a company too, but suddenly I was tasked with parenting, something I’d never done before—it felt unfamiliar, scary, and challenging. Before going to bed that night, I thought deeply: was I actually mad at my husband? That wasn’t it. I wanted to do familiar work, leisurely enjoy a meal, and drink a cup of coffee. Confined to the role of ‘mom,’ focusing only on bathing, feeding, and putting the child to sleep, I had lost the opportunity to make time for myself.
After that, I decided to create small breathing spaces. Instead of cleaning the house while my child napped, I took the stroller out for brunch. Sitting on a café terrace with the cool breeze, drinking coffee—I can’t tell you how comforting that time was. When my child grew a bit and started daycare, I would think “What delicious food should I eat today?” instead of “I should do laundry first” with my increased free time. Yes, housework was postponed, but thanks to that time, I could gradually reclaim my days as ‘me,’ not just ‘mom.’

3 “Strength-Based Parenting”: Focusing on What You Do Well Instead of What You Can’t Do

Have you ever attended a ‘strengths workshop’ at work? The core concept is to find your strengths and think about better utilizing them rather than struggling to compensate for your weaknesses. One day, it occurred to me: “What if I approached parenting this way, too?”
If you’re a parent, you’ve probably heard about ‘baby-led weaning.’ It’s an approach where you let babies who are still awkward with spoons feed themselves, developing hand-eye coordination and building independent eating habits. I understood the good intentions, but in practice, my kitchen became a disaster zone with every meal. I couldn’t tell if the food I carefully prepared was going into my child’s mouth or onto the floor, and between feeding the child and cleaning up spills, it was too overwhelming for me.
So I boldly gave up on ‘baby-led weaning.’ Instead, I focused on ‘cooking,’ which I do well, and switched to spoon-feeding. My child might be a bit slower in practicing eating independently, but I found fulfillment in preparing nutritious meals with various ingredients and watching my child enjoy them. That was my version of ‘strength-based parenting.’
I’m not sharing this story to say, “Don’t do baby-led weaning like me!” or “Make elaborate meals for your child!” I wanted to express that just as we all live different lives, there’s definitely a ‘way that works for me’ in parenting, too. When you feel intimidated seeing ‘perfect moms’ on social media and feel like you have to excel at everything, it might be better to first think about what you’re truly good at and how you can enjoy time with your child.

In this era of information overload, I hope this column doesn’t feel like yet another definitive answer, but instead offers a small comfort where you might smile and think, “Yes, I feel that way too.” The truth is, I’m still in the thick of what feels like a parenting war. My husband and I are raising two children without additional help, fumbling daily, making mistakes, and learning one step at a time.
That’s why going forward, I want to share stories that say “This is what I tried” rather than “This is what you should do”—in a lighter, more comfortable way. In my next column, I’ll continue discussing ways to live ‘with less struggle’ and ‘more authentically.’ 😊