1 Q. Does Mommy think about me at work?
A. Not right now, sweetheart. Let me put that aside for a moment.

Have you ever had this experience? Your child cried their heart out, not wanting to go to daycare, but then the teacher told you that once they got there, they stopped crying and had a wonderful time playing. At first, I thought the teachers were telling well-meaning white lies to ease parents’ minds, but it turns out children do live focused on the “present moment.” So while they feel sad in that moment of not wanting to leave Mom and Dad, once they actually enter the daycare, they quickly find interesting things and have a joyful day. After hearing this, I stopped viewing my crying child in front of the daycare with pure sympathy alone. And just like children who live their days this way, I decided that while I’m at work, I would temporarily set aside my role as “Mom” and focus on my job.

Before returning to work after parental leave, I had this vague fear: “Will I really be able to do well?” After experiencing the significant life changes of childbirth and parenting, I’d been away from work for a whole year. Still, I told myself that having a baby wouldn’t make my work abilities disappear, so I should think and solve problems just as I had before. I felt that what parenting tends to disrupt isn’t so much work ability as daily discipline, so I made an effort not to let my “mom” side show in that area.

The three principles I set for myself were: 1. Don’t be late, 2. Don’t use my child as an excuse, 3. Wear makeup to work. These might seem trivial, but I believed these three things were how I could maintain my professional identity before being a “mom.” The hardest one to keep was definitely not being late! I’d wake up early and get ready diligently, but then “I don’t want this outfit, I want to wear my tiger clothes” – there goes five minutes. After barely coaxing them out, “Oh! I forgot my T-rex toy.” – another five minutes. In that moment, I think, “Ah... I seem to have left my patience somewhere too,” but there’s no time to get angry, so off we rush again. After struggling to reach the daycare entrance, finally, out comes the children’s classic line: “I don’t want to go to daycare.” Getting to work on time with a child who finds different reasons to delay every single day during those crucial morning minutes when even being off by a second means being late – that wasn’t easy.

So what did I do? No matter how I thought about it, even child-development expert Dr. Eunyoung Oh would probably be late in this situation... especially if she had to read children’s hearts like she does on busy mornings. So I decided to start moving 30 minutes earlier. Of course, waking up early is still not easy. That’s why I start my day consoling myself with the thought “I need to get to work early today and have my coffee” rather than “I need to hurry up and get going.” With that breathing room, I can easily wait for my child to pick out a toy, strolling at my child’s pace without rushing. Amazingly, the children seem to sense that Mom isn’t hurrying, and their morning fussiness noticeably decreased. That moment when I sit down with a cup of coffee after starting the day without anger – that’s the quietest and most peaceful time of my entire day.

When I can start the day quietly like this, I feel a small sense of relief: “I’m doing well enough after all.” But a working mom’s day doesn’t always flow smoothly. The biggest challenge was when my child got sick. Taking personal leave to stay by my child’s side is absolutely the right thing to do, but when that moment comes, I find myself hesitating. “Is your child sick again?” “You are missing work too frequently because of childcare.” I worried that the inevitable complications that naturally come with being a “working mom” might make my sense of responsibility appear diminished. As I was returning to work, my husband and I made a promise to each other. Since I had taken two years of leave to raise our two children, we decided that if situations arose requiring the company’s understanding after my return, my husband would step up first.

This wasn’t about “who should sacrifice more,” but rather a promise to respect each other’s work and roles equally. So, when we needed to take urgent personal leave on short notice, my husband would usually adjust his work schedule first. Even when I did take time off for child-related matters, I would carefully phrase it as “I have a personal appointment” rather than “my child is sick.” The truth is, during these times, even while I’m at the office, part of my heart is with my sick child, and even when I’m beside my child, I can’t completely let go of work thoughts. When my ill child asks, “Mommy, can’t you skip work today?” my heart crumbles. Sometimes, this daily effort to maintain my position both at home and at work felt overwhelming. Balancing the heart of a “mom” with the “working me” turned out to be much more difficult than simply dividing time. However, as these experiences accumulated, the children fell ill less often, and I seemed to develop the inner strength not to fall apart so easily. I’m still not perfect, but I’m gradually getting used to it.

2 Q. Does Mommy think about me at work?
A. Yes, thinking about you gives me strength.

At first, the term “working mom” felt heavy to me. Juggling work and childcare meant there were too many things to do, and I desperately tried to pretend I wasn’t a working mom. But while mistakes at work make me feel small, my children thankfully trust and love their imperfect parent. Looking at these children, I think, “Will there ever be anyone else who loves me this unconditionally?” I’ve gradually come to understand what tremendous strength that feeling provides. The children aren’t a heavy burden – they’ve become the energy that moves me forward.

I once saw a post on social media about “why fathers buy fried chicken on their way home from work.” It said it’s “not because they’re in a good mood that day, but because after a tough and exhausting day, they want to see their children’s faces light up as they hold the fried chicken.” Having become a parent myself, I deeply relate to this. I love it when my children say, “Mommy, I want to eat [something].” Fulfilling that wish isn’t difficult, but the children receive it with such pure joy. My child usually says, “Mommy, buy me chips later!” and this short sentence stays in my head all day, making me smile. When the daycare door opens and my child sees the snacks, they jump up and down with excitement, and it feels like all the fatigue accumulated during the day melts away.

Of course, when I get home after work and the childcare starts, fatigue builds up rapidly again. But the faces of my sleeping children become a fatigue remedy that makes me forget all the day’s hardships. So while I’m fumbling around every morning trying to pack a toy, and some days I’m anxious watching over a sick child, I’m still doing my best each day in my place. I believe that the time spent with my children, the emotions I’ve carried alone, and all the big and small things I encounter at work are all shaping who I am today.